Coaching Courage: What I Teach My Pitchers About Fear

Hey There, Friend!

Have you ever really wanted to do something, but when the opportunity came, you didn't take it because you were afraid?

Have you ever worked super hard for something, and fell short when it was time to actually DO the thing you spent so much time preparing for?

Have you ever believed someone that told you that you weren't capable of something you wanted badly, because you weren't smart enough, big enough, small enough, fast enough, popular enough, pretty enough, etc?

Success Through Failure

Michael Jordan "didn't get it done" 26 times in his career. That's how many times he missed a last-second shot that could have won the game for his team. Oh—and by the way—he was cut from his high school basketball team because the coach didn't think he was good enough.

Dr. Seuss's first book was rejected 27 times by publishers. Can you imagine a world without The Cat in the Hat or How the Grinch Stole Christmas?

James Dyson—the inventor of the first bagless vacuum—built 5,126 prototypes before one finally worked. It took him 5 years of failed attempts!

Oprah Winfrey was told repeatedly that she didn't have the "right look" to be on TV... and still went on to have one of the most successful television careers in history. Her net worth? $3 BILLION.

Did you know Abraham Lincoln lost 8 elections before becoming President?

What Makes the Difference?

So… what makes some people keep pushing through failure and rejection, while others give up?

Failure is hard. And once we've experienced it, we often FEAR going through it again. That fear can hold us back from doing hard things, and this is where the problem starts.

The Science of Fear

Let's look at the science behind that fear for a second…

When I learned this, it totally changed how I think AND how I teach my students!

Our ability to sense fear is hardwired into us. It's meant to protect us from danger and help us survive.

The amygdala, also known as our lizard brain, is really good at its job.

• If you're hitting and the pitcher throws a ball at your head, your lizard brain tells you to duck.
• If you're hiking and see a snake, your lizard brain tells you to stop (or scream—if you're me!) and pick a new path.

But here's the thing…

Your lizard brain CAN'T tell the difference between bad fear (like a snake on the trail) and good fear (like stepping outside your comfort zone to grow).

So it always chooses safe. Easy. Comfortable.

It doesn't realize that the fear you feel before speaking up in class, or doing something new, or trying something difficult, might actually lead to something amazing!

Fear: The Learning Thief

Fear is the #1 enemy of learning and doing.

When we feel it, we often try to avoid whatever triggered it. But that avoidance steals opportunities from us. It steals experience. It steals action.

It's why some of us believe the people who say we aren't good enough. Because proving them wrong would involve struggle and change.

It's why we don't ask questions in class. Because that puts attention on us, and we're uncertain how others will react.

It's why we reach for our phones instead of doing the ACTUAL work towards our goals. Social media = easy. Doing the work = struggle.

It's why we spend practice time doing what we're already good at—instead of working on what needs improving. That stuff involves change, struggle, and uncertainty about if and/or when we'll see results.

And while those avoidance responses are helpful in dangerous situations... they are BAD for growth and learning.

The Big Question

So the big question is…

"How do we conquer fear?"

The answer is... We don't.

In fact, research shows that the more we try to destroy or defeat fear, the harder the lizard brain works to protect us.

You know those feelings: racing heart, sweaty palms, butterflies going crazy in your stomach?

That's just your brain trying to keep you safe.

A Better Approach to Fear

But here's a new way to look at it:

Next time you feel fear, nervousness, or anxiety… don't try to avoid it. Don't try to be fearless.

Just remind yourself: This is normal. It just means you're human. And something important is about to happen.

Those butterflies? They're a signal you're heading just outside your comfort zone. And that's where the best learning happens.

When we acknowledge fear and re-frame it as a sign we're about to grow, we can put fear in its place.

The more we practice doing hard things—asking questions, trying new stuff, doing what scares us a little—the easier it becomes.

Fear doesn't go away.

But we can learn to co-exist with it.

Living WITH Fear, Not IN Fear

And I'll close today's post with one of my favorite examples of that, from author Elizabeth Gilbert in her book Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear:

"Dearest Fear,
Creativity and I are about to go on a road trip together.
I understand you'll be joining us, because you always do.
I acknowledge that you believe you have an important job to do in my life, and that you take your job seriously.
Apparently, your job is to induce complete panic whenever I'm about to do anything interesting. And may I just say—you are superb at your job.
So, by all means, keep doing your job if you feel you must.
But I will also be doing MY job on this road trip: to work hard and stay focused.
Creativity will be doing its job, too—staying inspiring and bold.
There's room in the car for all of us, so make yourself at home...
But know this: Creativity and I are the only ones making decisions along the way.
You're allowed to have a seat. You're allowed to have a voice. But you're not allowed to have a vote.
You're not allowed to touch the road maps. You're not allowed to suggest detours. You're not allowed to touch the radio.
And above all else, Fear—you are absolutely forbidden to drive."

Your Next Step

Fear doesn't mean something's wrong, it means something important is happening.

You can't eliminate fear, but you can learn to work with it, walk alongside it, and keep showing up anyway.

Courage isn't about having no fear.

It's about choosing to act even when fear is in the room.

Let the next step you take be one of courage!

All my BEST,
Myndie